Break!!

I could not be more relieved that I finally am on another break.. THANK GOD!! The last two weeks have been awful as far as school work is concerned. Huge assignments due in every class from last friday through this week (ie. four tests, 1 essay) so needless to say, im so freaking excited to just have a week offffff!!!!

I have to work today and after that im going to be cleaning my room alll night.. I think i might eventually paint my room at my parents house if Brett and I aren't planning on getting an apartment soon so we can basically save up some money and maybe afford a place thats a biiit nicer.. lol. we will see how that goes though..

i want to take down the ugly border and make it like some really pretty teal green blueish color, right now its like this awful dark blue and the dark color of it makes my room feel so small and it bothers me i guess lol..

Nothing really new in my life thats exciting other than being on break.. Just bored and had spare time while getting ready to go to work...

Still considering changing my major to english, but may just add an english or writing minor, i will decide afterr i take an english course or two to see how i like it or if i like it at all. It counts as an elective if nothing else, lol..

Stressed!!!! yet here I sit..

I have in the next 2 weeks:

3/13
Marketing test starting Thursday (it is an online exam i can take any time in a 48 hour window or so, will be opened all weekend and i have 1:45 to answer about 80 multiple choice/true false questions)

3/16
Accounting Exam Monday 11:45-1:00

3/18
Accounting Extracurcciular Activity due Wednesday (3/18)

3/19
Business Statistics Test Next Thursday 10:00-11:30
Philosophy Essay Due at 1:15
Lingustics Test 4:00-8:00 (open book so I can use all of my notes and can take it anytime in that time frame and take as much time as I need)

So, needless to say, I have a shit ton of studying and preparing to do. Thank god two of them are open book so it is just a matter of organizing and making sure i have a general idea of things. I need to study more in marketing though since it is timed and i have like 80 questions to answer so, I am hoping that one goes easier than i think. I outlined all the chapters and the important points with sticky notes and will probably do the same thing with my Linguistics notes which is also an also note book test.

I need to study a lot for Accounting and Stats though and my essay is going to have to get thrown in their somewhere this weekend. ahg!!

On another note,
After my accounting class today, I have a meeting with the English Advisor to discuss what the major entails and how my classes would fit in with everything and such, so we will see how that goes. I am really excited for it though :-)

If everything goes as planned or as I hope it to go, I will end up being an English major with a minor in business. AT this point, i have so many business credits it would be silly not to at least minor in it, im only like 4-5 business classes away from a minor anyways. I always wanted to take a minor so I feel pretty comfortable with that change as long as English seems to be what i think it will be. I want to ask her about like different careers and stuff even though I've looked at it, i just want to hear what the most common/popular English major careers are. It will help to come from an actual advisor as well as opposed to a website :-P

Brett i think is going to take classes next semester at USM!! I am so excited, he wants to go in as a Political Science major and sign up for the military after like 2 years but then finish his 4 years while enrolled in the military so he can go in as an officer or whatever? then he wants to get his masters so maybe he could work in some sweet like government job or something along those lines (i have no idea how the whole deal works.. FOR THE RECORD!) So, if i add a new major, ill pretty much still graduate the same time he would with a bachelors or like, within a year of each other.

However, this will also make it harder for us to get an apartment and such which is going to stuck and mean we probably can't get one for awhile but eh, whatever i guess.. At least he is finally going to get an educate and hes deciding on a path to take, i am so so proud of him! oh how i love my baby..<3

In acceptance of myself..

I am not your every day average girl. I love style, but i will sacrifice style for comfort any day. I am a PRO at stylish comfort ;-). I love to wear bright colors, and i love to make bead jewelry with bright colors. I find it extremely exciting when i make a bead necklace that somehow amazingly matches a shirt that i never intended it to go with but it works perfectly. Think i am a nerd all you want for beading, but i make sweet jewelry that eventually i will hopefully someday be able to sell and profit off of (ugh, yea right!)

I love to write and I love to be. I hate when things don't go my way, i over react in excess in these situations (ask the boyfriend, its not pretty). I used to be a huge fan of poetry, but not so much anymore. i used to write poetry IN EXCESS. like 3 or 4 poems a night. i was insane. i got on a roll man. I remember most of my dreams and they are very story like. My dreams often make me awake to how my body is feeling and how i am feeling in my conscious.

I love the beauty in fine simple things, like seashells and the way foxy cuddles up to me at night when we go to sleep. Or when Brett kisses my forehead and tells me he loves me before i go to sleep. Or the way he tucks me in because i make him do it but secretly i know he loves doing it more than anything ;-). I love the way he holds me, and the way foxy kisses my hand when she wants something. I love the sound the waves make when they crash against rocks. I love all the bird songs and the music wind chimes make in the summer. I love the feel of a warm sun on my skin and wearing flip flops. I love wearing sunglasses all the time, even in the cloudiness, because they just fit me (and my eyes are super sensitive to sunlight i suppose)

I hate the fact I always feel overweight, but i am becoming more accepting of my image. I want to be more passionate and I want to succeed. I want to take more pride in my work and not be so self conscious about everything I do. I want to believe in myself the way people around me believe in me.

I think i want to change my major to english with a minor in business, but im an inconclusive, indecisive person so chances are, i will be constantly torn between this possibility until the very last moment. I'm a procrastinator, if you hadn't already figured that out.

I love dancing though i don't do it nearly enough, and I love singing in my car to loud music. I feel like a bad person when i think of friendships that have slowly dissipated into nothing and its hard for me to think about. I love dave matthews band a lot and there is nothing more relaxing then listening to grace is gone or grey street.. best songs in the world, for real, i love them. however, i have also been a huge fan of the fray and the spill canvas lately to go to sleep to.

I love listening to music before i go to sleep. it helps to soothe me and i love to calm myself down like that. A lot of people hate it because it clogs their thoughts, but it relaxes mind. I always sleep with a dozen thoughts on my mind, but good thoughts. If i think of something i forgot to do, i wont be able to sleep until i do it (like if i forgot to print a paper and i think ill forget to do it the next day, i have to wake up and print the paper so i can sleep or i will constantly think about it, even dream about it, its ridiculous).

I can't handle anything to do with abuse or suicide without feeling sick to my stomach for reasons you will never know unless you already know them. I cringe a little at the thought of women thinking in any shape or form that it is there fault somebody hit them; there is never a reason.. there is always another way. Threats are not an answer either.

I love to watch scary movies just so i can scream and cuddle. I love holding hands more than anything. I love astronomy and constantly wonder what is out there? I think people who believe that there isnt much beyond our galaxy are naive and close minded, or just severely uneducated.. Not to mention, i also would consider them to be selfish in a sense. But i am a selfish person in many senses so, you can't expect anyone to be perfect.

I think organized religion is scary. I believe what I believe and that is that. I believe in spirituality and Chi, among many other things. I believe in guardian angels because I know i have had many times where there has been someone looking over me who has saved me in many ways. I have no grandparents because they have all passed on. I know more death than i have ever cared to know at age 19. I sometimes wonder how much i should feel or how much i should care.

I never thought i would know what love is until i met brett. Its amazing the things another person can teach you or show you and they dont even realize it. It's amazing how another person can save you and not know how powerful their own actions were. it just is incredible to know the effect someone can have on your life can be so life changing or so small, but all are so important and crucial to our character and who we are.

I hate to think about how small i am in comparison to the world, to the universe. I am small already compared to everyone else, its not like i need any more reasons to feel even smaller! But the world is a big and beautiful place!


This is who I am, This is who I always will be. I will never change or accomodate your tastes or styles. I will never change to fit your mold. I am a constant, and there is nothing you can say or do to change that, or to change me.

Take it or leave it.

Social frustrations

still seriously looking into an English major with a Business minor.
Except that means a lot more schooling.. with the economy, school may not be a bad place to be..

My dad told me today I need to get out more, that was kind of weird considering going out never used to be a problem for me.. kind of sucked, oh well.

I told brett and he said once we get an apartment it will be better and we will have people over for some nice chill sessions and just kind of be relaxed and such, which i am totally extremely so excited for..

I can't wait to get another place, im sooo over being back at home; its irritating, im done with it, for real.

I need something different, a change of scenery, something. Maybe i just need summer, summer makes everything really lovely.

I think I mostly just need more friends, i feel so lonely lately... I have few hobbies and what hobbies i do have are expensive. A lot of my free time is spent doing school work, working, and seeing brett, it makes doing other things difficult. I've made a few good friends at school but i dont see us like going out outside of school to hang out, though it would be fun..

Anybody wanna be my friend and hang out with me? I need more social interaction, i wish all my friends hadn't gone out of state for school :-(